The way we were
You and I, circa 1972. In typical fasion, I'm trying to nudge in closer to you, and your focus is soley on the camera. I'd almost be willing to bet you pushed me away after that camera flashed.
Today you turn 41 years old. That was the first thought that came to mind when I woke this morning. I wondered who you would be spending your birthday with and how many cards you received. I would have called you, but you've blocked my calls. I would have come and visit you, but you've moved with no forward address. You even legally changed your name.
I sometimes wonder if you you've ever read my blog, or followed the progress of my business for that matter. Did you hear that I made the cover of Romantic Country magazine last year? I didn't think so. You never stepped foot inside our house, so you surely wouldn't reckognize it. Would you recognize me if you passed me on the street? My hair is much more blonde now.
I heard you met someone and that he has children. I also heard that you are serious about him and considering moving with him, out of the state. Does he know you have a sister, 0r two caring parents that still love you? Yeah, that's what I thought.
Someone once told me that your sibling is one of the few real witnesses of your childhood. I feel as though I'm missing a piece of my blue print and a portion of me has been taken.
I'm not sure if we'll never talk again. Or maybe one day you'll show up at my door when we're both too old and too tired to care. Maybe we'll sit up all night and I'll make you laugh, just like I used to.
Happy Birthday, Sis.
Jennifer
Posts
Hello..
ReplyDeleteyour entry this time is so touching..
I always like to read your blog..
Jen,
ReplyDeleteI hope that some day your sister will realize what she is missing. Keep your heart and your hope alive and believe in tomorrow. I learned a long time ago that you can't make people love you but you can keep on loving her, no matter what.
Wishing you peace and love,
Sandyt
I really like what Sandy just wrote to you. I agree with her. No matter what or how hard she has a sister. Your post was very touching and honest. I hope one day she will make a change to have her family again.
ReplyDeleteYour post is very touching. I'm sorry your sister is not in your life right now; my hope for you is that it won't always be so.....
ReplyDelete(((((hugs to you)))))
~Becca~
That is sweet and sad all at the same time.
ReplyDeleteReading your post made me think of something I read at Miss Manners a week or so ago- it's your story, it could be you! Is it you?
http://www.slate.com/id/2203768?wpisrc=newsletter
Wishing your sister a happy birthday and prayers lifted that somehow she will return to your life and fill the emptiness that has been left within your heart and life and of your parents and most likely in her own life too. May God bring you peace and take away the pain. Blessings and big, big, big hugs to you sweet friend.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Barbara
Oh Jennifer, what a bittersweet post. I do so hope that some day soon you will all have a happy reunion~
ReplyDeleteHUGS!
Nikki
Dear Readers, thank you for the heartfelt comments. And Kathleen, no that wasn't my post on Miss Manners, but it sure sounds like that girl and I have a lot in common.
ReplyDeleteoxox
Jennifer
Boy Jennifer that was so moving and so sad. Sad for your sister also that she is missing out on being in yours and your Mom and Dads life. And as a parent I can't think of anything worse.
ReplyDeleteCheryl
Awwww.... sorry to hear your story. You had mentioned this to me awhile ago, but I had no idea it was so heavy on your heart. Wish we could have talked more last week when we shopped at Very Vintage. I had a fun time.
ReplyDeleteHi Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteYour post touched my heart as I am blessed to have a close relationship with my sister. I will say a prayer that your message will reach your sister and she will open her heart to you and her family once again.
Erin
Hi Jennifer! You don't know me, but I read all of your blog postings (actually yours was the first blog I ever read, now I'm hooked ... even opened my own but haven't had the nerve to begin writing) Anyway...this post touched me. Your pain is so visible and your sister certainly doesn't know what she is missing. I am an only child, that did not bother me growing up, but now as an adult (I'm 41 as well) I often wish for a sibling I could share life's ups and downs with. Someone like you mentioned who shared my blueprint or history or maybe just plain "got me". (Would be extra nice if they were into flea markets as well !!)
ReplyDeleteI guess what I'm trying to say is, some people don't realize how blessed they are to have a sister, and some people never take anything for granted and know what loving unconditionally means. I wish you the best,and I'm sorry your heart is hearting for your sister ... if you ever want an adopted one, I'm available! : )
Warm regards,
Jill
Hi Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteI know what it's like to be estranged from a family member. It is something so painful that unless you have been through it, you really can't explain it to anyone. But I do know how you are feeling. All I can tell you is that don't ever let go of HOPE.
I can't imagine anyone not wanting to be your sister. I would love to have a sister like you. Just know that you are so loved by so many.
Hugs,
LeAnn:)
Hi Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteThis post makes me sad. Hopefully your sister will someday realize what a special bond sisterhood is.
Hugs,
Karla
Hi Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteI follow your blog and this posting touches my heart because my parents and I are also estranged from my sister. A few years ago we all made up and she was back in our lives. Sadly it only lasted a couple of years and then she shut us out again! I guess the point I'm trying to make is that sometimes famillies just can't get on, no matter how you try! Sad but true. I hope one day you do reunite but for now enjoy every moment of life anyway x
Jennifer, Bless your sweet heart. Purpose today to make today beautiful for yourself. Don't allow her choices to rob your day today (your day to celebrate)of its beauty! I am so sorry. I know that many times our family can hurt us the most. Love, Rachel
ReplyDeleteJennifer,
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful picture of you & your sister. It is so sad & I too have two younger sisters I have not seen in years because they want it that way. I had a sister one year younger than me that committed suicide 8 years ago & I still miss her so very much. I hope your sister comes around & is a part of your life again. You have accomplished so much & she should be so very proud of you. I always think of the fun me & my sisters had growing up & I too always remember them on their birthdays & wonder what they are doing in their lives. Thank you so much for the touching post.
Such a sad story. Separation from a beloved sister is such a hard cross to carry. I hope that some day fences will be mended and she will be in your life once again.
ReplyDeleteHi, My heart breaks for you. I hope you are connected with your sister again sometime. I haven't had the best relationship with my sister but I know she loves me even with all our differences. Good luck - you have a fabulous blog and she should really see it.
ReplyDeleteDearest Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteI am certainly Sorry for you and your sister on reading this blog post. It it clear how much pain and hurt you are feeling by your words. I do hope your sister read's your blog and that something tinkles inside her and she makes contact.
Life is just too short to be holding onto negative feelings and thought's.
I too know what it is like to have a sibling and a parent that has disowned me, it's painful and it's a feeling that makes you angry aswell. I have moved forward and am moving on with life without them as in my case they are not good for me to have in my life. Maybe one day we will speak again but I doubt it.
Take care sweetie you are a strong articulate and lovely lady wo has strived past this and made yourself and everyone else proud of your kind heart and wonderful achievements!!
mands
Dear Jennifer, I'm so sorry that you have this sadness in your life. A life, which on the surface, looks quite charmed. But we never know, what sadness exists, behind the happy face of Blog Land, do we?
ReplyDeleteI wish I could come over and gently hug you and let you have a cry, if that would help. But since I can't transport myself, across the country... I will simply say... I wish I could.
Tessa Talk
{Who seems to be a new commenter here, but you knew me, by a different name, in the past... If I had not lost your email addy, I'd explain further, in private email. -sigh-}
So sad. I hope she comes to you soon.
ReplyDeleteI was like your sister Jennifer in the sense that I had to stop talking to my family (particularly a brother and sister). It was after the death of my Mother; our family was never the same after she passed. It still is difficult. It was very hard on my father and that is why I chose to put my feelings for them on the backburner so he could be happy.He is 82 years old and I couldn't put him thru that anymore. In my case they were constantly trying to put me down and I thought thats enough. You can't pick your family and sometimes thats the way it has to be. Everyones situation is different and it sounds like you miss her terribly. I hope things work out for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteSincerely,
Caroline
Hi Jen,
ReplyDeleteSo sad! She doesn't know what she is missing. You are the best. You are such a fun, and loving person.
I always enjoy your company!!
Love ya,
Rosemary
gulp. i hope one of these days your sister will find her way back to you. keep the faith. xo
ReplyDeleteDear Jennifer, I left a comment earlier and felt I needed to read your blog again. I know what it is like to not have that close relationship with your siblings. Earlier this evening I picked up my Father so he could spend the weekend with us. Tonight as I was reading The Way We Were I could overhear my Father praying before he went to sleep. It brought me to tears because he was praying for me and my siblings. I am going to pray for you and your family as well as mine before I go to bed tonight.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you
Caroline~
Dear Jennifer, I left a comment earlier and felt I needed to read your blog again. I know what it is like to not have that close relationship with your siblings. Earlier this evening I picked up my Father so he could spend the weekend with us. Tonight as I was reading The Way We Were I could overhear my Father praying before he went to sleep. It brought me to tears because he was praying for me and my siblings. I am going to pray for you and your family as well as mine before I go to bed tonight.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you
Caroline~
Dear Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteI so feel your sadness and longing for a relationship, friendship, or just a simple connection with your sibling. I,too, wish I had more with my own siblings. God Bless you.
Lisa
I'm so sorry!!!! Reading that was almost like reading about my own sister!!! The only difference is that I know where she is, she just choses not to be part of our family. I think the hardest part for me is seeing the pain she has caused my parents!
ReplyDeleteI hope your sister comes back into your life!
Wow, your post really hit home with me, too.
ReplyDeleteI have not had contact with my Sis for 5 years..
We have a short time to live in this life and not having her in my life has shortened mine.
As the 'aloof' sister in my family, I thought I might comment on this.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if my perspective will help you or not but I hope so. My sisters are constantly trying to get closer to me. When we were younger, everyone moved away after my father died. I was left with an alcoholic mother to care for. I learned that I couldn't express my feelings. I learned that my sisters wouldn't be there for me even when I asked them.
I learned to keep secrets and isolate myself over a period of 10-12 years.
The reason I cannot be close to my sisters is because I know I cannot trust them. Now, I am not at all saying your sister can't trust YOU - but this is only my situation.
I don't want to be close to my sisters because of ME. It isn't at all that I'm REJECTING them. It's MY hang up - not theirs. However, I know my behavior hurts them. Your post moved me deeply. I'm sorry that your sister has blocked herself out of your life. I'm sorry.
An Isolated Sister
Jennifer ~ Thank you for sharing your story with all of us today. I will keep you and your sister in my prayers and hope she will come to realize how lucky she is to have such a wonderful sister in her life. Always remember you have many sisters that love you!
ReplyDeleteSandee
I hope it happens soon, and that she realizes what she had! I feel so fortunate to have sisters that love me for me
ReplyDeleteHi Jen - i hope wherever she is whatever she is doing that her birthday was happy. It is really tragic when families splinter apart. Being an only child i cant really imagine what you are feeling but being the mother of 2 girls i "can" imagine. I always hope they will be there for one another and get a little ping of jealousy when i hear friends talking about their sisters (well the ones who are close anyway). Life is too short - i hope she reads this and makes contact. Mel xxx
ReplyDeleteAlso meant to add into my comment above...
ReplyDeleteThis wont exactly help but i recently read a book by Mary Moody who moved to France and she met her sister after 40 years apart, so it is possible..
Mary Moody had been looking for her sister, Margaret, for 10 years, after Margaret walked out of the family home on her 18th birthday. She spoke about it on Life Matters, and a listener in Perth rang to say she had taught with Margaret and had kept in touch with her. Mary was able to meet her sister, who had moved to Canada, and get to know her after 40 years.
Guests in this story:
Mary Moody
Writer and author of Last Tango in Toulouse
Publications:
Last Tango in Toulouse
Author: Mary Moody
Price: $30
Publisher: Macmillan
Your post brought tears to my eyes. I think it was one of the saddest I have read in a long time. I could almost feel your pain and my heart goes out to you. I have three sisters and while two of them are close to me, my older sister has never allowed herself to bond with me like sisters should. You cannot make your sister get close to you, but you can pray that she can experience life as happily as you apparently do. I wish it could be easier, but it never is when someone we love chooses not to love us back.
ReplyDeletehang in there, you are such a good soul. You touch the lives of others in ways you could not possibly imagine.
ginny
Jennifer ~ I am so sorry for the loss of your sister in your life ~ it is so sad for her to not realize what she is missing ~ I hope that someday she does and that you all can heal from this journey you have been on with her ~
ReplyDeletehugs,
Lori
Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteThere isn't anything that I could say that hasn't already been said so eloquently by all the bloggers that came before me.
I have a brother 7 years my junior that I've never been close to due to the way we were raised. And my husband has 4 brothers and 1 sister and they have all scattered to the wind. It seems like big family or small, you just never know.
My own personal concern is that my oldest daughter with schizophrenia has created a wedge between her and her younger brother and sister so deep that it may never be dissolved but by the grace of God and their maturity. They're still young, so I am praying it will not always be like it is now.
In general I think our society has splintered off so much by families moving away from each other and opportunities for friendships in general have withered and that's one reason why blogging has taken off like it has.
I pray that one day, sooner than later, you and your sister will get a chance to reconcile face to face.
Hiya Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteohmygosh that is so sad, it brought tears to my eyes. It is very obvious to all of us what a beautiful and loving person you are.
Reading this broke my heart.
I am a firm believer that 'Time heals all wounds'....i really hope this may eventually be the case for you sweetpea.
Bless your cotton sox.
Hugs,
Shannon :)
I'm so sorry! I'm feel so sad for you Jennifer.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless,
Ginger
What a happy start, and a sad middle....I hope your story will one day have a happy ending! I always have hope for people like her that they'll one day realize what they're missing, but I also know that you can't make someone love you. Best of luck!
ReplyDeleteAwwww God love you Jennifer!! I am so sorry!! I had tears reading your post!! Life is so short... I hope she reads your post and calls you!!
ReplyDeleteBigs hugs & love,
Susan in Nova Scotia
My dear sweet friend, this makes me hurt inside for you. Just knowing the angst that this brings you just breaks my heart. Like I always remind my husband, you can pick your friends but you cannot pick your family. I pray that someday your sister will come to her senses and realize that those who love her the most are just a door knock away. Wouldn't it be wonderful if this happened sooner than later.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless you and your parents,
Becky
Jennifer: I so understand your pain. I have two brothers who have walked out of my life as well. It is such a source of great despair for me, that it is so hard to even talk about. I miss them terribly,and the hurt is so deep. I tell my husband, one day they will miss me. I have written letters telling them how I miss them and want them back, but to no avail. My oldest brother did answer a letter to me about a week ago concerning the sale of my mother's home. He began it, "Dear Lou Cinda" and you cannot imagine how that made me feel. Hopeful! He called me "dear". It is so painful, especially at the holidays, so, so sad. So I will add you and your sister and your hurting heart, to my prayers about my own loss.
ReplyDeleteHave a Blessed Holiday Season.
Lou Cinda Munroe
Gadsden, AL
Hi Jennifer
ReplyDeleteI'm a little late leaving a comment on your moving post, I've been a very bad blog visitor lately.
I just wanted to say this post bought tears to my eyes, I have almost the same situation with my oldest sister, I've gone in and tried to write my situation down as a "comment" to leave on your post....I just deleted it as my story is way to involved and complicated to be leaving as just a comment, I just want you to know I'm feeling for you Jennifer. I keep thinking of the saying "You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family"
I think by the sounds of things you are still close to your family and you have your wonderful hubby and a life of your own, you have achieved so much and can hold your head up high....that's the most important thing to remember.
In a round about way the seperation with my sister made me strive to achieve....probably sounds a bit odd, or maybe you know what I'm on about
take care dear Jennifer
xo
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ReplyDelete